Biscuit World

June/July 2010 Poll - Fire and Ice

2010-08-01T22:23:00.003-04:00

Never let it be said that this blog is visited by normal people.
The majority of you voted for the Fire Elemental.
The majority of you voted for Summertime Air-Conditioning.
There is a contradiction here, no?

Speaking of elementals, hopefully, none of you have seen The Last Airbender, seeing as how rottentomatoes.com gave it a score of 8 out of 100. Dang, Shamalanadingdong! Who's giving you money to make movies these days?

Anyway, nice work, Fire and Ice.

OMG #13

2010-07-30T15:17:00.003-04:00

I just caught an episode of Jimmy Fallon last night, not sure if it was a rerun or new...
Anyway, kudos to Jimmy on showcasing lesser-known bands and all that...blahblahblah.
I'm not so into The Roots as he is, even having them as his house band.

BUT

Last night the band Of Montreal was on.
They sang some song about "You look like a playground, playah!"
They all had white make-up on their faces, except for the black singer.
There were like 300 people on stage. Not sure the instrumentation warranted that.
Three or so of them were just sitting in the middle drinking milk or something.
The song absofrickinlutely sucked.
It sucked to the point that I was still cringing while thinking about it and TRYING to sleep...

Don't listen/suppport/internet/google/care about Of Montreal. You will save yourself time and money.

You're welcome.

OMG #12 - THE WALKING DEAD!!!

2010-07-12T01:00:00.003-04:00

My favorite comic book is coming to the small screen!

AMC will take on The Walking Dead, written by Kentuckian Robert Kirkman, this October.

Production blog is HERE.

AARGGHH! If only Atlanta was a little bit closer...

"Okay, buddy, you and Daddy are going to go on a little drive.

Then we might need to chew on some brains for a TV show..."

NEW Product Review! Or is it Product ReDEW?

2010-07-12T00:35:00.005-04:00

For those of you out of the beverage loop, Mountain Dew just completed its second summer of Dewmocracy! Three new flavors were sold in stores for a limited time and then voted on by Dew Aficionados such as myself. The first Dewmocracy winner was the indigo-tinted flavor called Voltage that is in stores as we speak.

This year we had three new flavors to contend with:

Distortion - Lime Blasted Dew

Typhoon - Punch of Tropical Dew

Whiteout - Smooth Citrus Dew

I voted for Distortion this year. The lime was very present and it was quite refreshing.

I liked Typhoon enough but it seemed to me to be the incestuous offspring of LiveWire and Code Red.

Whiteout was white. It didn't quite taste like chalky soda but it might as well have.

Alas, since this post is about a month late to the party, the official results having been released on June 15th, we here at BW are saddened with the outcome.

Whiteout was victorious with 44% of the vote. Typhoon had 40% and Distortion a disappointing 16%. If Distortion was a Central American futbol player he was probably shivved in a bar fight by a broken Dos Equis beer bottle the weekend following his return home.

For the official tally go HERE. It's actually worth it to see a state-by-state (AND county-by-county) breakdown! Thank you, Oklahoma, for valiantly trying to put Distortion on the store shelves. The Ol' Okie Doke just wasn't enough this time around...

OMG #11

2010-07-12T00:21:00.002-04:00

THE KARATE KID (2010) IS A MOVIE ABOUT KUNG FU!

IT IS NOT ABOUT KARATE!

BUT THE NAME OF THE MOVIE IS NOT THE KUNG FU KID!

(which actually sounds better, now that I think about it)

IT HAS ALREADY MADE 200+ MILLION DOLLARS!

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP GOING TO THIS CRAP?

OMG #10

2010-07-12T00:12:00.003-04:00

MTV's The Real World just recently started its 24th season...

TWENTY FREAKIN FOUR!

I was old when it started in 1992. What does that make me now???!!!

Anyway, for you trivia buffs out there, New Orleans is the setting for this season and is only the second city behind New York to have the location repeated...

Also, the season will most likely focus on some race fights, gay romance, and maybe somebody getting thrown out of the house. Heh.

May 2010 Poll - Y'all love some ebola!

2010-07-12T00:07:00.003-04:00

So. Been a while. How YOU doin.

May's poll asked for worst of the worst natural disasters. You all went overwhelmingly for CONTRACTIBLE DISEASE. Nice work. Well done. Too bad that knowledge won't save you from the oncoming zombie apocalypse. Have fun until then.

OMG #9

2010-05-29T22:03:00.002-04:00

Okay. TOTALLY bugging me.
The new Volkswagen commercials with people hitting everyone all over the place.
"Black one." PUNCH
"Blue one." PUNCH

You are destroying my childhood for a new model that has nothing to do with this game.
It's called PUNCH BUG RED or PUNCH BUG BLUE...

Sheesh.
(Do I have too much time on my hands?)

OMG #8

2010-05-06T00:52:00.005-04:00

Umm. Yeah. Noah can suck it. And Utnapishtim. AND Deucalion!
Well, you get the picture.

Thankfully, BW HQ escaped unscathed. Well, we did have 2 inches of water in the basement but that went away so it doesn't count.

It really was utter destruction. And it's going to take FOREVER to clean up.
Some people got hit in every way imaginable. Reminds you what tragedy can be.

But we will prevail and continue to post asinine, trivial nonsense on the Internets!

Give to Hands On Nashville or any other googled charity group around here if you so feel the urge. An initial estimate puts rebuilding at near 1 Billion (yes, Dr. Evil, I said Billion, with a "B").

Stay tuned for a Mountain Dew Product Review!!!*
*really does seem pointless after all this...

April 2010 Poll - Why so serious?

2010-05-06T00:38:00.004-04:00

My sister-in-law's husband competed in a homemade ice cream contest a while ago and made a flavor called "Why So Strawberry?" Pure. Genius.

The winner of last month's poll for best Batman villain is obviously The Joker. Probably due to Heath Ledger's (RIP) amazing portrayal in the latest Bat-movie. Anyway, BW voted for Mr. Freeze in SPITE of Ahnold's portrayal of him solely due to the handling of Victor in The Animated Series (and the adjunct movie).

Anyway, have a good laugh on us, Mr. J. This town, indeed, needs an enema. And we got one, too! Thanks 13 inches of rain in like 4 minutes!

OMG #7

2010-04-06T00:23:00.004-04:00

9.13.10

March 2010 Poll - I'm Late! I'm LATE!

2010-04-05T19:01:00.005-04:00

Few days late on the poll numbers BUT...
The winner of your favourite Alice in Wonderland character (technically, I suppose, Through the Looking Glass) is the White Rabbit! This was BW's fave as well, probably because of its Disney depiction bringing back good memories or gas or something...
Nice job, dude. Hurry up. You are late. Grace Slick is going to be pissed!

OMG #6

2010-03-21T18:50:00.002-04:00

Call it a case of HD snobbery.
I have noticed over the past year that text has increasingly become smaller and smaller on TV shows and even video games (Alas, the zombies-at-the-mall game Dead Rising on our old TV was frustratingly unreadable and hence unplayable).

I suppose the thinking is that most people have HD TVs now so we can make script smaller and smaller cuz pixel size doesn't necessarily matter on HD. Not to mention if this trend continues people are going to go blind watching HD cuz they don't realize their eyes are really straining to see such small text.

And so it goes with this year's NCAA basketball tourney. The scores at the top of the screen from other games are so small they are unreadable. Is that 67-60? Or 67-58? Or 57-60? OR 57-58? ARRGHHH!!!

Another thing is to blame here as well. I am pretty into fonts. Not enough to be persuaded to buy font packages online mind you, but still pretty into them. And choice of font is where most sports channels fail miserably. Pick a font where the 5, 6, 8, 9, and 0 are easily determined and distinct from one another. Otherwise, it just drives your audience crazy. Drives ME crazy.

Thank you.

PS Now that Northern Iowa has effectively destroyed half of America's brackets by beating Kansas, good luck everyone!!!

Top 5 Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies

2010-03-08T16:25:00.004-05:00

5. Conan the Barbarian/Commando (tie)
4. The Running Man
3. True Lies
2. Terminator 2
1. Predator (if there is another "Greatest Movie of All TIME" I have not seen it)

Top 5 Current Playlist

2010-03-01T11:18:00.002-05:00

5. Stone Temple Pilots Core
4. Pink Floyd Animals
3. Doves Kingdom of Rust
2. Dora the Explorer Party Favorites
1. Thomas and Friends Thomas' Train Yard Tracks

Um, yeah.

February 2010 - BC Saskatchewan Love

2010-03-01T11:11:00.002-05:00

So, your favourite Canadian ProvinCES are British Columbia and Saskatchewan.
BW can't argue with the fact that Saskatchewan is loads of fun to say. And BC has been in the spotlight lately...thank Cthulhu that Neil Young was at the Closing Ceremonies last night. Otherwise, they would have completely sucked. Nickelback? Avril Lavigne? Nickelback?

Nickelback?

Man. Sorry about your musicians, Canada. I'm telling you it would have been 300% better with Alanis Morrisette and Rush instead.

Congratulations, Provinces. Sorry there was no love for the Territories. BW voted Nova Scotia. We still hope to travel there sometime before we die or before Cthulhu rises again from his slumber.

Top 5 Things Missing from the Vancouver Olympics

2010-02-13T20:58:00.003-05:00

5. Fur Trading
4. Hosers
3. Ginger Ale
2. The Kids from DeGrassi
1. The band RUSH

NO RUSH???!!! Are you freaking deaf?

January 2010 Poll - '03 and '07 Champs!

2010-02-01T15:00:00.002-05:00

What looked like a victory for 2007 for most of the month ended up as a tie.
Your favorite Aught (BW STILL upset about misspelling that one...) is actually 2007 AND 2003.

The Boy was born in 2007. That's why BW voted for it.
But '03 had its moments for the BW family as well.

Congratulations, youse guys.
BTW, 2001 received ZERO votes. Not a favorite, huh? Just 9/11 or something else, we wonder...

Top 5 Things on my DVR right now...

2010-01-13T00:28:00.002-05:00

5. Conspiracy Theory w/Jesse Ventura
4. Steven Seagal Lawman
3. How I Met Your Mother
2. Fringe
1. The Big Bang Theory

*Honorable Mention: The 2nd Season of Tosh.0 starts tomorrow night on Comedy Central. Think E's "The Soup" but about the Internets. Sweet.

Heh #11

2010-01-07T16:59:00.002-05:00

It was recently brought to my attention that my poll should say "aught" and not "ought".
As someone who has a pet peeve about spelling and the Internet, you would think this was a mistake, right?

I mean, I could sit here and suggest that it was meant to be spelled that way cuz those were the years we "ought" to have done this, "ought" to have done that, etc.

Alas, that is not the case.

Internet/Poor Spelling: 1
Biscuit World: 0

Playoff Precog!!!

2010-01-04T00:08:00.003-05:00

Week 17 Record: 10-6
Cumulative Record: 140-83 (62.78% Winning Percentage)

Well. At least I made it above .500, huh?
Not too shabby as Adam Sandler would say.

This is a one and done for the playoffs.
Thanks for humoring me. It will probably (definitely) be the only time I attempt this for a whole season...

NFC:
Packers over Cardinals
Eagles over Cowboys
Saints over Eagles
Packers over Vikings
Saints over Packers

AFC:
Patriots over Ravens
Bengals over Jets
Chargers over Bengals
Colts over Patriots
Chargers over Colts

Superbowl Champion: Saints over Chargers 38-27

Peep dat.

Pigskin Precog - Week 17...sigh

2010-01-03T00:30:00.004-05:00

Week 16 Record: 11-5
Cumulative Record: 130-77

It's finally here. The last week of the regular season. Did pretty well, notwithstanding the minor hiccups here and there (like missing two whole weeks!). But, fun for me to do in public and see how things came out. I plan on doing one and only one Precog for the Playoffs once the teams are set.

And the winners will be...
Bills Texans Vikings 49ers
Bucs Steelers Bears Saints
Jaguars Eagles Titans Chargers
Packers Broncos Ravens Bengals

Outtie 5000.

December 2009 Poll - Junk and Junk Food

2010-01-03T00:21:00.005-05:00

The last poll of 2009...internet drum roll please...10101010101010101010101010
Oscar the Grouch and Cookie Monster TIE for favorite Sesame Street character!
BW voted for Ernie although I have to say Forgetful Jones was an inspired option on the poll, if I do say so myself, and I do.

Ironically, the Count got ZERO votes. As well as Guy Smiley and Zombie Mr. Hooper.
NEGATIVE points to whomever voted for Telly. SEE A THERAPIST! The only other character that drives me crazier is Baby Bear. PRONOUNCE YOUR R's, DUDE!

Happy 2010!!! Roy Scheider sends his love via email from the Monolith.
Nice work, Grouchy and Cookie.

Pigskin Precog - Week 16

2009-12-24T15:08:00.003-05:00

Week 15 Record: 6-9*
Cumulative Record: 119-72

*missed Colts game

Only ONE more week after this! SHEESH!
At least I came in first (reg. season) in fantasy football...this is championship weekend!
Happy Holidays to everyone.

The magic 8-ball in my head says:
Chargers Saints Texans Packers
Giants Raiders Patriots Bengals
Steelers Falcons Cardinals 49ers
Eagles Colts Cowboys Vikings

YAY SANTA!!!

Pigskin Precog - Week 15...arrghhh.

2009-12-18T12:57:00.003-05:00

I will go on record again saying that I HATE me some Thursday night football...

Week 14 Record: 12-4
Cumulative Record: 113-63

So. Missed the Colts game last night. Would have picked the Colts but I can't include that in the overall record, to be fair to you...and myself. Heh.

Three weeks left! Going for 15-0?
Saints Chiefs Texans Patriots
Titans Eagles Lions Bears
Jets Broncos Chargers Seahawks
Packers Vikings Giants

Audi 5

November 2009 Poll - He is still FAB

2009-12-09T18:00:00.004-05:00

Your favorite Beatle is...GEORGE!
I realized after putting up the poll that I should have included George Martin. If not for his production the Beatles would still have been great but not groundbreaking. I mean, just the piano solo in the middle of "In My Life" alone should have been enough to include him (if it sounds like a harpsichord to you that is because it was recorded octave(s) lower and sped up on the record - genius).

Well, I have heard from many a Beatles fan that the George songs on each record are their faves. And he may not have had the popularity of a Paul or John solo career but All Things Must Pass is still awesome.

And I suppose this is fitting in a way that I'm finally getting to post this the day after the anniversary of John's death on 12/8/1980. RIP you Beatles. The great irony will be when Ringo or Yoko outlive us all...heh.

Pigskin Precog - Week 14???!!!

2009-12-09T17:48:00.004-05:00

Week 11 Total: 11-5
Cumulative Total: 101-59*

*AARRGGGHHH!!! What happened to weeks 12 and 13??? Well, first it was Thanksgiving week and then it was a family vacation to Los Angeles, Calliefourneeya. I should have known this was going to be hard to keep up. Can you imagine me (or anyone) doing a baseball season? YIKES!

The prognosticators have spoken for this upcoming week:
Steelers Saints Jets Dolphins
Bengals Seahawks Bills Packers
Ravens Patriots Colts Raiders
Titans Chargers Eagles 49ers

See you next week...maybe.

Pigskin Precog - Week 11

2009-11-19T22:39:00.003-05:00

Okay. This counts. I know a game is already going on over on the NFL Network (Thursday night football is lame) but I have NO idea what's going on over there...honest.

Week 10 Record: 7-8 (YIKES!)
Cumulative Record: 90-54

What a week! Close games and some WTF games...
The winners in Week 11 (including tonight) will be:
Panthers Colts Cowboys Lions
Packers Jaguars Steelers Vikings
Giants Rams Saints Chargers
Patriots Bengals Bears Titans

Later.

OMG #5

2009-11-14T15:42:00.003-05:00

We went to the farmers market a few weeks ago to get some pumpkins for Halloween.
(BTW: is it farmers, farmer's, or farmers'?) We ate some pretty good Indian there but the wife heroically stood in line at the Egyptian place for like 3 hours to get me some baklava.

I ate half of it when we got home.
Last night, I saw some foil and what appeared to be the remaining half-wedge of baklava in the fridge. Yeah, I know, "GROSS, it's like months old or something!" Well, that didn't stop me.

HOWEVER...

You know how your expectations for one thing get built up in your head and then you realize what you are getting is not what you expected? Yeah, that's about right.

It was a piece of fish.

P.S. I will pay money for actual evidence that ANYwhere in the world there exists a place out in the middle of nowhere with two bathtubs just sitting there waiting for an older couple with erectile dysfunction. I mean, seriously!!! Where do you get the water for the tub? If it's from a natural source, how are you heating it? And if not, are you telling me you want to get your freak on after you and your privates have been soaking in cold, stagnant water? That's just nasty.

Heh #10

2009-11-11T16:26:00.004-05:00

So, I had the Stevie Wonder episode of "The Cosby Show" running around in my head today. Most likely bumping into things, you know what I'm sayin? Heh.

BUT, I thought I would challenge you all to see if you can get what each family member says that gets recorded into Stevie's keyboard. I will attempt to "white them out" with font color. Highlight them for the answers. Any challenges to my ridiculously accurate pop culture knowledge will be listened to and then dismissed.

NOTE: Sondra and Elvin not present in the studio and Olivia was not around yet...

Dr. Huxtable: "Baby"
Mrs. Huxtable, Esq.: "La"
Denise: " I don't know what to say"
Theo: "Jammin' on the one"
Vanessa: "Robert"
Rudy: "she imitated a giraffe noise"

Don't worry if you couldn't get them all. I'm just that awesome.
Now, if only there were some way to make this talent profitable...

Pigskin Precog - Week 10

2009-11-11T16:18:00.002-05:00

Week 9 Record: 9-4
Cumulative Record: 83-46
Halfway Point Winning Percentage: 64.34%

Week 9 gets us halfway home. Not too shabby. But I want some perfect weeks...high expectations?

The Week 10 winners will be:
Bears Vikings Broncos Steelers
Falcons Bucs Saints Jets
Titans Raiders Packers Cardinals
Chargers Patriots Ravens

Pigskin Precog - Week 9

2009-11-04T12:43:00.003-05:00

Week 8 Record: 9-4
Cumulative Record: 74-42

Not too bad. Almost halfway home.
The Week 9 winners will be:
Falcons Bears Ravens Colts
Jaguars Patriots Packers Saints
Seahawks Chargers Titans Eagles Steelers

Have fun running grass drill...

NEW Product Review! CRUNCH!

2009-11-01T21:51:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, in honor of the holiday, I partook in a few bowls of Limited Edition Halloween Crunch. Basically, it was Cap'n Crunch with crunchy ghosts that turn your bowl of milk a nice shade of ectoplasmic green. The Minutes in Milk (MIM) Test yielded great results. Cap'n Crunch usually holds up pretty well. Good stuff. Not gonna top Oops! All Berry in my opinion BUT still a tasty bowl.

On the Orion scale, Halloween Crunch gets 4 (out of 5)

October 2009 Poll - Duh

2009-11-01T21:08:00.004-05:00

Should've expected this. Reese's Pumpkins were indeed the tastiest treat on the list. Congratulations, peanut butter and chocolate.
Well, BRAVO to those of you who bucked the trend.
Especially the other person who selected "A Nickel Taped to Cardboard".
BW's favorite memory is getting $.05 in our pumpkin.

The boy went as a policeman this year and his parents went as burglars.
Good times.

Too bad about Cthulhu not emerging from his slumber in R'lyeh.
Could've sworn this year was the year. Now I'll just have to wait until 12/21/2012 like everyone else...

Pigskin Precog - Week 8

2009-10-27T22:13:00.002-04:00

Week 7 Record: 8-5
Cumulative Record: 65-38

Man. And I started out so well with the 1:00 games.

The winners this week will be:
Cowboys Texans Giants Rams
Jets Colts Bears Ravens
Titans Chargers Packers Cardinals Saints

Whop upside the head
Gon' whop upside the head...

Heh #9

2009-10-21T17:35:00.002-04:00

I got on an elevator yesterday with the boy.
There was a lady on the elevator.
She asked, "Is that your grandson?"
Hrm.

Pigskin Precog - Week 7

2009-10-20T00:29:00.004-04:00

Week 6 Record: 7-7
Cumulative Record: 57-33

Knew this week would be rough. Missed a couple of calls by a field goal.
And Titans? Come on. But, notice that I still have my Titans magnets on the car...

The winners for Week 7 will be:
Packers Chargers Colts Patriots
Steelers Texans Panthers Raiders
Bears Falcons Saints Giants Eagles

Pigskin Precog - Week 6

2009-10-17T09:46:00.003-04:00

Week 5 Record: 9-5
Cumulative Record: 50-26

Trading Deadline!!! Hope the Titans find some way out of the hole...
The winners will be...
Jaguars Saints Bucs Ravens
Packers Bengals Steelers Redskins
Seahawks Eagles Jets Patriots
Falcons Broncos

Sheesh. Hard week of picks. Parity, anyone?

Pigskin Precog - Week 5

2009-10-10T04:05:00.003-04:00

Week 4 Record: 10-4
Cumulative Record: 41-21

Still doing well. Let's keep it up.
The winners will be:
Ravens Vikings Eagles Redskins
Steelers Giants Cowboys Bills
49ers Cardinals Seahawks
Patriots Colts Dolphins

Gonna be some tight ones again this week.
Wish me luck.

September 2009 Poll - TPx2!!!

2009-10-03T23:40:00.003-04:00

It's the zombie apocalypse.
Survival at its finest...or worst.

And you all have got to have your toothpaste and toilet paper.
It was another tie in Biscuit World history.
BW voted for toothpaste and toothbrush.
I mean, what's worse than trying to line up a headshot on the walking dead with your mouth feeling like you have hair growing on your teeth? Gross, no?

In one hole. Out the other.
That never changes.
Even during a zombie apocalypse.

Pigskin Precog - Week 4

2009-09-29T23:49:00.003-04:00

Week 3 Record: 12-4
Cumulative Record: 31-17

Nice week this week. Bet against the Lions AND Kyle Orton...who knew? And somehow the Bungles came up.

This week, the winners will be:
Bears Colts Redskins Patriots (squeak)
Giants Titans Raiders Bengals
Bills Saints (at home BUT the game to watch)
Broncos 49ers Steelers Packers

Picked a lot of away team victories...as usual, we will see...

Pigskin Precog - Week 3

2009-09-26T17:20:00.003-04:00

Week 2 Record: 9-7
Cumulative Record: 19-13

Trend is towards getting worse. Let's turn this around. Mental Note: Don't pick the Lions to win.
To save space I am only going to type the winners. Good luck to me.

Week 3
Ravens Jets Giants Packers
Eagles Texans Vikings Redskins
Patriots Saints Bears Steelers
Chargers Raiders Colts Cowboys

Sheesh. Didn't realize how onerous these posts were going to get. At least it's not a baseball blog...

Pigskin Precog - Week 2

2009-09-17T18:11:00.004-04:00

Week 1 Record: 10-6
Cumulative Record: 10-6

So, not a horrible start. But not a great one either. Should have known better on some of those. Feel like a few spoilers are going to happen here and there. So, that might explain this week's picks.

Week 2
Titans over Texans (c'mon Titans!)
Saints over Philly (who's QBing the Eagles this week?)
Cardinals over Jags (could be a tough one)
Raiders over Chiefs (KC is going to have a tough year)

Packers over Bengals (Ocho Cinco indeed)
Lions over Vikes (sleeper pick - Detroit gets one at home)
Redskins over Rams (when is Washington going to change their team name? Seriously!)
Pats over Jets (although it ain't gonna be easy)

Falcons over Panthers (uh oh, Carolina)
Bills over Bucs (TO gets a TD? Naw...)
49ers over Seahawks (Singletary. Home field. Nuff said.)
Chargers over Ravens (home field gets it)

Steelers over Bears (although Cutler is pick-free this weekend)
Browns over Broncos (another sleeper)
Giants over Cowboys (Giants steal one)
Colts over Dolphins (please, Peyton, get some fantasy points!)

We will see...

Pigskin Precog - Week 1

2009-09-12T11:11:00.002-04:00

I've always meant to do this sort of thing on my own. You know, write out a list of the NFL games and pick the winners each week. So, what else could be better than doing it in public and failing for all to see on the Internets?

Obviously, I'm a little late, but, you know I picked the Titans to win Thursday night. Alas, heckuva game but the ending was unfortunate. 0 for 1. Each Tuesday or so, I'll wrap up the week and keep a running score. So, let the fun begin. (And you non-sports fans can just skip this post each week. Heh.)

Week 1
Titans over Steelers (oopsies)
Colts over Jags (Colts at home...um...Lucas Oil Stadium? Really??)
Saints over Lions (DET continues their dominance...at losing)
Cowboys over Bucs (no low-hanging scoreboard to worry about this week)

Bengals over Broncos (old school bias here but DEN QB Orton is as good in Denver as he was in Chicago)
Ravens over Chiefs (KC has QB issues)
Texans over Jets (NYJ QB Sanchez hits learning curve)
Browns over Vikings (MIN QB Favre comes out throwing...interceptions)

Falcons over Dolphins (in a close one)
Panthers over Eagles (Carolina wins with home-field advantage)
Giants over Redskins (although WAS DT Haynesworth will get Eli twice)
Cardinals over 49ers (Arizona picks up from last year)

Seahawks over Rams (again...homefield advantage)
Packers over Bears (sorry...but Bears will get them at home and win)
Patriots over Bills (NE at home? Pretty automatic. Even WITH T.O. in the mix)
Chargers over Raiders (definitely NOT your father's Raiders)

OKAY! That's it. My two cents of clairvoyance. See you next week...well, more like a few days...

August 2009 Poll - Action Figure Mayhem

2009-09-03T01:00:00.004-04:00

For last month's poll BW asked for your favorite Cobra and Joe.

Joe was easy: Snake Eyes. As was expected.

Cobra was a surprise tie between Cobra Commander and Destro (seen above leaving their LSAT testing at the Ramada Inn)!!! Storm Shadow barely even made a peep. But I guess ninjas are quiet...

Congrats to all three winners. And good luck to Cobra Commander and Destro on receiving your test results! Hopefully you both passed the bar (although we all assume that you both cheated).

May the Zombies Eat You First #5

2009-09-03T00:14:00.005-04:00

This one goes out to the drunk dude from the neighborhood who apparently was jumping/falling over fences, running through backyards, sitting in people's cars for no reason, and generally raising cain all over the place last night.

You apparently found it an abomination that we parked our car in our driveway behind our house under our street lamp. So you threw a brick through our driver's side window.

Sweet. At least you chose to steal nothing. Making the act all the more random and pointless. Thank for choosing to do so on my birthday and not the day before. Otherwise I would have spent my birthday at the glass shop getting the car fixed. May your cellmates down in lockup have unwittingly been bitten by roamers and they turn overnight. One could imagine that THAT would be a sure-fire way to sober you up...

Pictured below: Driver's side window with hole in it. Brick with no hole in it.

Heh #8

2009-08-26T22:40:00.001-04:00

Ken Burns should do a documentary on bad haircuts.

OMG #4

2009-08-26T00:54:00.003-04:00

Earlier this morning at 4:30 the boy crawled into bed with us...
I turned over.
I felt a little itch near my elbow.
I grabbed at it with my right hand.
My thumb, index finger, and middle finger of my right hand.
I squeezed.
I squeezed a f*cking spider in my hand.
A giant we-apparently-have-millions-of-giant-spiders-in-Tennessee spider.
They are everywhere downstairs.
I spend most of my time upstairs.

Those of you who know me know this was devastating.
Dev. Uh. Stating.

New Dew. New Dew? NEW DEW!

2009-08-11T13:09:00.010-04:00

The latest release of Mountain Dew pits good versus evil. New Game Fuels represent the factions from the crazy living-in-my-parents'-basement-so-I-got-nothing-better-to-do-than-play-this-here-MMORPG World of Warcraft.

It's Alliance Blue against Horde Red. Wild Fruit taking on Citrus Cherry. Elves all up in the Orcs' biznass. Who will win? Well, neither.

I had to take a step back cuz I drink Mello Yello or Mountain Dew like water. I think my taste buds were corroded the first time I tried these. I actually liked them, but once my friend Ol' Dirty Sanchez emailed me I realized I might be too much of a Dew insider to vote judiciously.

He wrote, after trying the blue: "the worst part really was the smell. I had to hold my breath while the bottle was on its way to my mouth, but then it tasted just mediocre compared to the noxiousness of the fumes. I only drank down to the top of the label before I was too grossed out and just dumped the rest." Wow. So I waited a while and went back to the bottle.

ODS was right. Not an epic fail but certainly not the wonderment of O.G. Dew or even the Halo 3 Game Fuel which is still a highlight of my beverage consumption days. We miss you, Halo 3!!!

I did however have a favorite though. Horde Red. Not as good as Code Red but along those lines. The Alliance Blue does actually taste kind of how it looks. Like Wiper Fluid. Well, maybe not that bad but still not good enough to knock off any of my favorite Dew flavors. Each gets two Orions out of five. Well, more like a 1.5 for Blue and 2.4 for Red. Keep in mind, that is probably higher than it should be, but consider that my bloodstream is half plasma, half Dew. Oh, and you are welcome.

July 2009 Poll - Das Und Rolls der Switzerland?

2009-08-03T22:42:00.007-04:00

Chocolate cake rolled around a layer of creme filling and drenched with fudge coating. Available twin-wrapped in a 12 count carton. Yumz.

The winner of this month's poll is the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls? What happened to the word "Cake"? Well. We might not buy Debbie's attempt to make these sound "healthy" by removing a word, but we will buy a box of twelve and eat them in one gaming session of Halo 3 with an ice-cold Mello Yello and a side of plasma grenade. Congratulations to the country of Switzerland and their rolls. BW voted for Nutty Bars but I guess we can't win 'em all...

Heh #7

2009-07-24T21:34:00.002-04:00

Take your car
Yes we will
We'll take your car and drive it
We'll take it to a motel room and take 'em off in private...

Thank you, J. Geils.
Thank you.

OMG #3

2009-07-22T23:39:00.006-04:00

Quietly. Almost Overnight. Americana has changed and nobody gives a damn. I guess we need more MJ coverage. Heck, I didn't even see all that much reference to the 40th anniversary of the freakin moon landing.

BUT THIS! This is HUGE! Coca-Cola has changed the shape of the Two-Liter Bottle!!!

Coke is changing the shape in order to give the two-liter the contour shape of its 20 oz. bottles. Which, by the way, the contour bottle is trademarked...

They started the transition down here in Birmingham and Chattanooga and now our Kroger has ALL Coke products in the new digs. I hear that they may not be up north yet but they...are...coming...

Gotta say, the pourability is pretty tight. And it seems that the packaging is smaller. I doubt that the environment was a major concern for the new bottle but I guess we gotta take baby steps with that. At least until the Earth melts. But, now that I mention it, can we trust them that it is still TWO liters in there?

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for beverages.

June 2009 Poll - Senor Sanders!

2009-07-01T12:38:00.003-04:00

The battle for Yum! supremacy ends with KFC Bell. Or Taco Chicken. Or whatever you want to call it. BW voted for this one. We miss the old local neighborhood KFC Bell. Especially the Tuesday $1.99 Special! *sob*

Congratulations, Senor Sanders.

Horn Tootin'!

2009-06-23T11:38:00.004-04:00

So, from 1998-2002 I played keyboards in a band called the kilowatthours. We released 2 EPs, a 7" record and two full-length records on an independent record label named Temporary Residence Limited, out of Baltimore.

Well. A song called "Perfect Fool" off of the last record I appeared on, The Bright Side, appeared as a music interlude on NPR! The day was 6/9/09. Heh. 6/9. I have to say...I was pretty stoked about this.

Follow this link.
The song follows a story about the upcoming Olympics in Sochi. It's towards the end of the page.

Toot. Toot.

OMG #2

2009-06-05T23:51:00.003-04:00

AARGHHH!
1) Seriously, dudes. If you are pulling into the center lane to turn left on a busy road, then why dontcha go ahead and PULL INTO the center lane. This one's gonna put me on the 6 o'clock news.
SHEESH!

2) If you are pulling up to a drive-thru window, do me a favor and make sure to PULL UP TO the window! If the window dude has to lean out his window and stretch for your car you are too far away. If you have the room to open your car door and get out and walk to the window to reach the window dude you are too far away.

This post should probably get a "May the Zombies Eat You First" tag as well but I'm trying to stay on my medication. Venting really helps...

AARGHHH!

Heh #6

2009-06-02T00:29:00.003-04:00

Reading an article about GM the other day, I realized that "Chevrolet Citation" is an absolutely horRENdous name for a car. Seriously? Who thought that was a good idea? Plus, I doubt that thing could get fast enough to even GET a citation.

I mean, I know the Chevy Nova didn't sell in Latino markets but I can let that slide. Maybe the execs weren't bilingual (if you don't already know this little tidbit, Nova translates into Spanish as "It does not go"). Maybe they were but still thought it sounded badass. That still doesn't excuse the Citation. Sheesh.

Well, here is my Top Ten of Stupidest Names to EVER Give a Car (in no particular order). And, as always, you are welcome. And feel free to add your own in the comments section.

1) Lincoln Assassination
2) Oldsmobile POS
3) Nissan LeMon
4) GMC WTF
5) Infiniti Andbeyond
6) Ford 9/11
7) Mercedes-Benz Fourth Reich
8) Cadillac Ackackackackackack
9) Saab Story
10) Volvo Vulva

May 2009 Poll - Dust. Wind. Dude.

2009-06-02T00:12:00.003-04:00

Hemlock or no hemlock. The winner of Biscuit World's latest poll is Socrates Johnson.

Congratulations, Socrates, for edging out the rest of your fellow "Bill and Ted's" castmates.

This is a short post.

NEW Product Review! To Boldly Eat...

2009-05-08T23:56:00.009-04:00

Can't say I'm surprised another new movie gets another limited edition cereal. BW reviewed the Indiana Jones Cereal a while ago and here comes another one. Star Trek Cereal comes at you with spiral galaxies of oats and FIVE different marshmallows: Planet Earth, Planet Vulcan, and three different colored Delta Shields. Overall, the cereal is decent. It's basically your average Lucky Charms clone. It runs about average on the MIM (Minutes In Milk) Test. I think that I liked the chocolate puffs in the Indy cereal slightly better. There are definitely better cereals than this one out there but if you are a Trekkie, or just a little curious, then give this a taste. The box will go quickly. Back to the Orion scale (out of 5), this one gets a 3. I'm going to leave movie talk out of this post. Maybe if I get to the theater I'll come back atcha. Later, dudes!

April 2009 Poll - MMM...Peanut Butter and Chocolate

2009-05-01T12:39:00.005-04:00

Much to the chagrin of some BW readers, Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs edged out the Cadbury Creme Egg for Best Easter Candy. Now, BW voted for Mr. Cadbury, but has to admit that one of life's true pleasures is the Reese's Double Sized Egg. Ridiculous.

Hope everyone got at least one of the poll's options in their Easter basket (or Spring Festival Basket or whatever). I'm still jonesing for some Cadbury Mini-Eggs (the ones with the colorful hard candy shells). I think I ate several packages whole in one sitting...

Congratulations, Mr. Reese on your most wondrous of concoctions. Too bad your combination of Corn Dogs and Hollandaise Sauce never really took off.

Heh #5

2009-04-29T00:34:00.003-04:00

Just a friendly reminder to everyone...

DON'T FAKE THE FUNK ON A NASTY DUNK.

Best of Led Zeppelin

2009-04-23T19:07:00.004-04:00

Well, I know my buddy Jimmy would say that there is no such thing as this category. That's not his fault. He sat in front of a Zep fan in high school who happened to also be a drummer...

Zeppelin was my first real love in high school. Couldn't get enough. And even though the other members are ridiculously talented in their own rights, I was always fondest of John Paul Jones. But I guess that's just cuz I'm a keyboard player first, drummer second.

I decided to leave The Song Remains the Same out of contention along with the multitude of greatest hits, live and rarities albums Page has remastered and put out every few years when he needs to make a bank deposit.

Anyway, the list...

Physical Graffiti - I know. I know. A double album. But when the Smashing Pumpkins and other bands put out their own double albums that should have been single albums (or EPs) you realize how good every song on this is.
IV - Instant Classic. Changed hard rock forever.
II - "Bring It On Home". Nuff Said.
Houses of the Holy - Would've been perfect withOUT "Dancing Days".
I - Go back and revisit this one. Sounds a little dated but "Dazed and Confused" and "How Many More Times" are stupid good.
III - Rockers thrown in with some quality acoustic stuff. "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp" pwns.
Presence - "Achilles Last Stand" alone, on a single, would still rank here.
Coda - Could Zeppelin have outlasted the Stones? Maybe it's better we didn't find out.
In Through The Out Door - "Carouselambra" is still my favorite track to drum along to...

FYI - Seriously! I'm Awesome!

2009-04-23T17:39:00.004-04:00

Refer to three posts down.
Look at that fictitious Dharma/MTV Logo.
I mean, how AWESOME is that logo?
And no comments on it. Not one.

Seriously. I had to go into MS Paint and copy and paste stuff from the Internet for that logo. Do y'all think genius like that creates itself???!!!

Sorry to yell. It's not your fault.

Pearl before swine? I won't go that far but MAN! That's one helluva logo!!!

Come correct and reprazent!

OMG #1

2009-04-21T21:15:00.002-04:00

Today I saw an ad for Wolverine promoting Schick Quattro razors. Should that get an "LOL"? Absolutely not.

It was bad enough that the movie was tied in to X-treme Large Papa John's pizzas. Oh. I get it. He's on the "X"-Men.

Maybe there's a company called Mutton Chops out there somewhere that can take advantage of this thing. Or maybe a company owned by someone named "Bub". (fanboy reference)

What's next? Let's take a look.
"Good day to you. I am Professor Charles Xavier and I am speaking to you through your mind. Here at Rogaine..."

"I'm Kurt Wagner and I'd like to talk to you about argyria..."

"And that was Ororo Munroe on location for the Weather Channel, deep in the eye of the hurricane. (ahem, which she probably caused) Thank you, Storm. We'll check back in with you at 11:00!"

Dudes. Seriously.

FYI - I'm Awesome!

2009-04-07T18:27:00.006-04:00

So, the last time I ever won a game of chance or a bet on something was probably in 1984 or 1985. So, you are not likely to see me makin' hundies at the Heeg (The Mohegan Sun) anytime soon. It was the summer before or after sixth grade at the church picnic and I pulled a red-colored bingo tab that netted me 50 bones. Was it legal for me to play bingo? Elephino, but I do know that it was awesome. And, just last night, I officially won my brother's NCAA men's tournament bracket challenge beating out six other people. For posterity, below is the winning bracket. Enjoy!

March 2009 Poll - Wet T-Shirts and Smoke Monsters

2009-04-01T18:50:00.003-04:00

The kids have spoken. The worst spring break destination would be the Dharma Initiative/MTV Spring Break Getaway. Edgar Halliwax will be releasing a new Orientation Video any day now... (insert any other vague L O S T reference here)

Now, due to contractual obligations, I can't reveal what delights await you on this "vacation". But I can hint that it would involve T-Pain, Lil Wayne, and lots and lots of "experiments".

Sorry to our runners up. Cthulhu really thought he had a chance with the early poll results favoring his hometown of R'lyeh. Maybe next time, Old One.

Heh #4

2009-03-15T18:00:00.002-04:00

Thin Lizzy
"Jailbreak"

Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in the town
Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
So don't you be around

Umm...guys?
"SOMEwhere in the town"?

Try the JAIL!!!

May the Zombies Eat You First #4

2009-03-11T01:18:00.003-04:00

This post is WAY overdue.

You. Yeah, you. The dude(tte) driving on the road, oblivious to the Emergency Vehicle behind you.

I'm not going to begrudge you your loud music. I listen to the radio when I drive. And occasionally a Compact Disc. No biggie.

But, not hearing it cuz you are on your phone? GRAAAGHHH...

AND, are you SERIOUS?
You are trying to get in front of me after half-assly pulling over (well more like angling your car "towards" the shoulder) to get out of said Emergency Vehicle's way? You want to get ahead in the line now? WHAT? BLEAARRGGHHHH...

Maybe in an alternate dimension you will be in that Emergency Vehicle and some dude will be trying to text his buddies about how many cars he cut off that day...

May the ZOMBIES eat you first...

February 2009 Poll - That's what she said!

2009-03-02T13:46:00.003-05:00

Fans of "The Office" showed up this month to push Jim and Pam over the top of chocolate and peanut butter (which BW cannot live without). As far as romance goes, their story is one of the better ones. Two people who belonged together actually got together. Take THAT, Joss Whedon.

Congratulations, Jim and Pam. But watch your back, people. Batman and Robin didn't receive a single vote and they know where you live...

Product Review - Arnold Palmer!

2009-02-26T00:09:00.006-05:00

This photo was taken over Christmas here in East Nasty (East Nashville for those suckas out there). This photo contains three awesome things.
#1 AWESOME beard
#2 AWESOME hat
#3 AWESOME beverage

I am not sure why it has taken me so long to bizzlog about the wondrous liquid but it's about time!!! The awesome beverage of choice of awesome people is Arizona Iced Tea's ARNOLD PALMER!!!

Yeah! I know! I hate golf!

But that dude knows how to brew a tasty drink!
It's touted as "Lite" and "1/3 Less Calories".
It SHOULD have a warning label as to how awesome it is!

What? You ask wtf is an Arnold Palmer?
HALF Iced Tea.
HALF Lemonade.
5/3 Awesome.

Kroger down here in the hood just started to carry it and it's all over for me. Save yourself. In fact, funny story, the can in the picture is from a gas station near Louisville. I had to import that shizzle into TN!!!

BEST DRINK EVER
It receives Infinity Orions out of five.
OUT

Heh #3

2009-02-24T22:44:00.002-05:00

The Sprint Store is the new DMV.

Sprint.
DMV.
Suckage.

Heh #2

2009-02-22T13:32:00.003-05:00

I have OCD.
It appears in many eclectic forms but one of the more interesting ones is that when I get a drink from somewhere like McDonald's or whatever I have to line up the McDonald's logo that is on the lid with the seam in the cup (where the cup is glued together to form the cylinder).

It's weird but awesome at the same time. Right?
Also, when I have a glass at home I always have to drink from it in the exact same spot. Usually, this spot is marked by a logo or picture or something on the glass/cup so I know from where to sip.

That was very therapeutic to get out in the open. And now that I read it, it is pretty awesome.

But, the main reason I'm posting this is to relate something that drives me crazy, mostly due to my OCD.

Manhole covers that have the center yellow lines drawn/painted on them.
When these are removed and put back they are hardly ever put back right.
It drives me crazy to see the center lines NOT matched up.
It's just aesthetics people. You gotta put it back on so why not put it on where the lines line up?
SHEESH!

Is that too much to ask?

Heh #1

2009-02-16T22:57:00.002-05:00

Today I have the incredible urge to start yelling "Break yourself, fool!" to random people. Not sure if that would get me shot or what...

Maybe I'll keep this one to myself.

Totally AWESOME!

2009-02-13T10:38:00.002-05:00

I am officially freaking out. I found myself in Target yesterday hopping up and down like an idiot. This came after seeing a cover of Cormac McCarthy's book, "The Road", that had a picture of Viggo Mortensen on it and said "Now a major motion picture".

All I can say is...NO HWAY!!!
For anyone who liked "No Country for Old Men" this is a must-read.
For anyone who likes post-apocalyptic stories this is a must-read.
For anyone who is awesome like me this is a must-read.

I've seen a half-dozen production stills and it looks amazing. I'll leave it to you to search yourself so I don't drop any spoilers on you. It looks like they will alter the story a little bit (but when does Hollywood NOT do that?) but I am still 100% stoked. IMDB did not have a US release date but it opens in Argentina in June...huh? Regardless, "Watchmen" will probably hold my attention until this comes out anyway. So AWESOME!

DUDE!

January 2009 Poll - It done gone and went...

2009-02-02T00:13:00.003-05:00

Its official. If grammar polls was a football game, than this one were the Super Bowl!!! It should of went on longer then it did but you ain't never gonna believe you're results!!!

It's vs. Its (and sometimes its')!
You're vs. Your!
They're vs. Their!

Contractions or possessive adjectives? Who cares?! They're the winners!
(NOTE: NOT "Their the winners!")

BW's favorite though was the good ol' subject-predicate agreement.
With an emphasis on the "WE WAS..." variety.
I mean, how on Xenu's Green Earth does that sound GOOD to your ears?

Hope you caught the Puppy Bowl and the Kitty Halftime Show!
BW OUT!

Best of Star Wars

2009-01-13T16:23:00.003-05:00

Thought I'd start a "Best of..." series with some really important stuff; which Star Wars movies are the best? Obviously, anyone who ranks the later-released trilogy above any part of the original trilogy is on drugs. Jar Jar. 'Nuff said.

Arguments can be made for other orders but you would be wrong. Episode 2 edges out 1 and 3 due to the Yoda/Dooku and Obi-Wan/Jango fights. Although I'm not so sure about Geonosis in general. Episode 1 and its horrible Anakin acting edges out Episode 3 and its horrible Anakin acting due to the return of John Williams and Darth Maul (although his death is still a sore spot). Plus, Episode 3's ending? C'mon.

The Empire Strikes Back
A New Hope
Return of the Jedi
Attack of the Clones
The Phantom Menace
Revenge of the Sith

Let the arguments commence...oh, and Jar Jar still sucks.

Last Poll of 2008 - Brilliant!

2009-01-09T23:59:00.006-05:00

So, this wasn't the most scientific of polls here at Biscuit World.
It became almost immediately evident that the results would be skewed. I should've put in a sixth scene from the movie instead of "The whole thing is awesome." Cuz, that is what you overwhelmingly picked.

Probably, one of the most well-crafted and oft-quoted Christmas movies, "A Christmas Story" will always be a Yuletide tradition. At least at Biscuit World.

Congratulations to us and to TBS, seeing as how this one movie completely eliminates any programming for an entire day at that station.

I sure hate me some Danzig

2008-12-22T16:21:00.002-05:00

I heard "Mother" on two separate occasions yesterday.
Once in the car and once on the Metal station on our Digital TV radio thingy.
I had switched it from the Christmas Music channel to the Metal channel to see if the wife would notice. It took her like 10 minutes but she DID notice.

That song sucked in the 90s and it still sucks.
I don't know Danzig's catalog. The only other Danzig song I've heard is the one with the video with the sandpit in it and the band like rises up from the sand looking all hardcore and stuff.
But I do have a pretty good idea of what sucks. And it's that song.

Merry Christmas or Merry Blackness or whatever, Glenn Danzig.

November 2008 Half-Poll - Scaaarry

2008-12-03T21:38:00.002-05:00

So. I was going to follow this half-month poll with another poll that was Thanksgiving related. So much for the best laid plans.

Not many voters this go-around (probably due to lack of my monthly email) but the majority of you were skeezed out by the Random Backwoods Redneck.

BW was, too.

Hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving. We would blame a tryptophan coma on not posting in a while but that would be a lie.

College is Stupid

2008-11-03T01:32:00.004-05:00

Take a good look at this map.
This was recently in the New York Times.
Remember those maps of the US in 2004 that depicted the Electoral Votes in a RED and BLUE distortion according to population and which inadvertently made the country look like a lava lamp?
Well, this map represents the number of Electoral Votes each state has (the small black #) and, more interestingly, the number of voters each Electoral Vote represents (the large white #).

If you are from Wyoming (or freakin DC for that matter which has taxation without representation!) your vote counts A LOT! This map represents this by the SIZE of each state above.
Since 2001 when I moved from KY to TN and then in 2002 from TN to MA and then in 2008 from MA to TN my vote counted like this...
NOT SO MUCH - EVEN LESS - MUCH BETTER? - CRAP

Now, this is going to be a little dangerous what I do here, but heck, every talking head on TV does it...I'm going to make a crazy, declarative statement without doing diligent research on a topic and then be unapologetic for it later and say I stand by it wholeheartedly and then get fired by Biscuit World for making such a statement and then I'll get re-hired by some other blog site cuz I'm just that awesome.

Here goes: GET RID OF THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE SYSTEM.

And no, this is not Al Gore sour grapes. This is legit. It's outdated in my opinion, give everyone a fair shot. I mean, when rational friends of mine are writing in "Ted Nugent" for President for their vote just because there is no way Candidate X will NOT get all the Electoral Votes already in their state, SOMETHING needs to be done.

I do not want Wango Tango with his finger on the button nor do I want "Cat Scratch Fever Day" to be a National Holiday.

But I could be wrong. I'm just too lazy to read up on it.

October 2008 Poll - Cool Hand Palin with a Full Tank

2008-11-01T23:29:00.009-04:00

Sheesh. Talk about parity. First time we have ever had a three-way TIE!!!
Zombie Paul Newman! Tina Fey as Sarah Palin! Dudes/Dudettes with Petrol in their Vehicles! Pretty sweet. Send BW your Halloween pics and let us know if we can post them.

Hope that everyone had an amazing Halloween. Took the little Dragon to the Candy-Side of town. It was sweet. Heh. Congrats to all the winners! BW, of course, voted for the Color of Zombie, the Cold Dead Hand Luke, the Salad Dressing King himself...yummmmmm...brainy croutons.

Buckin the Trend

2008-10-20T23:34:00.003-04:00

I decided today that from NOW ON...
When I throw my hands up in the air, I will wave them around AND care.

I. Will. Care.
For realz. I'm not just going to wave my hands around willy-nilly.
Seems like a waste of time.

September 2008 Poll - Feelin Blue

2008-10-01T09:29:00.003-04:00

BW likes the color blue. Always has. Always will.
And apparently, so do you!

"Bluish" edges out "Greenish" in this month's poll results to take home favorite colour honors. Congratulations, blue. Now if you could just get your depressed, lazy ass out of bed and go out and celebrate that would be nice...

WTF?! Do what now?

2008-09-28T22:32:00.004-04:00

Umm...
So, you'd be next in line to lead this country and this is what you got?

Things are bigger...faster...there's computers...
SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!

P.E.T.R.O.L.

2008-09-25T01:13:00.004-04:00

Dang.
So last Friday, a reported 85% of Nashville-area gas stations ran out. Of gas.
They RAN OUT OF GAS!

Some people were saying (check out my impeccable journalistic skills) that a rumour (English style spelling!) had started that there was a shortage here and people went batty like back in the day when a winter storm would hit Louisville. Now, Kentucky style demands that if you hear of several inches of snow coming to the Ohio Valley you MUST MUST MUST buy up all the bread and milk you can in the few minutes after the weather report you will have before others get to it first. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I'd be snowed in just longing for a glass of milk and some toast. It was a hunger pang that neither bologna nor PB&J nor Mountain Dew nor water nor canned goods nor any other edible item in my home would sate. It HAD to be bread and milk...And so it goes down here apparently for gas. I drove around on the afternoon of the 19th and it was a mad house.

But I heard that Atlanta had a bit of it this week as well. So, we're not THAT crazy. But, it does beg several questions. Number one, WTF? Number two, WTH? Number three, AYFKM?

Now I am restraining from a rant here, but what is going on in this country that this panic is taking hold? I mean, the economy is not good, gas prices are not good, consumer confidence is not good. It reminds me of after [that event that Republicans like to remind us about] how tenuous the market really was and is and how a feeling, such as FEAR, could and can wreak havoc across the board. And as much as some people might like to think it, what happens here does have an effect on global markets, and they get scared as well and it starts to snowball...

These problems are here. We'll have to deal. I don't want to join in the blame game but YOU KNOW if Clinton were in office right now there would be a rail in DC with him on it and he would be riding that thing out of town.

BUT, the most important take-away from this is that when the Zombie Apocalypse finally comes about, don't count on the kindness of your neighbour. They will have already ransacked the grocery store, filled their car ALL the way up to the brim (plus gas cans) and probably have "liquidated" their assets from the local bank.

Get your ZAKPAKs (tm) ready. [NOTE: Zombie Apocalypse Kit, available by special mail order through Biscuit World for $49.95 (child's PAK for $39.95)]

August 2008 Poll - Taking a Nose Dive...

2008-09-11T00:42:00.005-04:00

Sorry for the delay, folks!!! Biscuit World did not mean to cause you any undue stress. We have moved headquarters to Tennessee in order to get the fastest broadband in the nation and to put a little twang in this thang!!! Thanks for your patience and may your Chicken Fried Chicken or Steak Fried Steak or Steak Fried Chicken always be smothered in delicious white gravy...mmm...

Now. We're not quite sure but we think this site was hacked by the Chinese Diving Team.
Not quite satisfied with their dominance (7 GOLD!) at the Olympics, they had to win here at BW, too!
The winner of the August 2008 Poll was 10m Diving!

Congratulations on a successful Olympics, everyone! Except YOU, Mauritius...
ONE Medal??? And a bronze at that???

We expected more from you (READ: I had money on you and now I'm poor)!!!

July 2008 Poll - All About the Benjaminz

2008-08-01T10:03:00.007-04:00

Ben Franklin is the winner this month. He edged out both Sam Adams and Thomas Jefferson for Favourite Founding Father!!! Thanks to Ben for his bifocals, lightning rod, Franklin stove, public library, and of course, hanging out with the Kool-Aid Man. A pretty fascinating guy, Ben wore many different hats during his lifetime and is considered a polymath (a kind of Renaissance Man). He even played several musical instruments.

Congratulations to Benjamin. If we see him wandering around downtown Boston, BW will be sure to give him his award personally!

Top 10 Superhero Movies...for now...

2008-07-25T22:18:00.003-04:00

I just saw "The Dark Knight" last night and I'm feeling rather inspired. W. O. W.
Now this list could be considered woefully underrepresented; I haven't seen the new "Hulk", "Hancock", or "Hellboy II" and there are others I have missed along the way like the Blade, Fantastic Four, and Punisher movies. And some lists online include things like "The Matrix" (too sci-fi for my list) and "V for Vendetta" (comic book yes, but not on this list) and even "Unbreakable" (I am a Shamalamadingdong apologist. I don't think he TOTALLY sucks but then again I haven't seen "The Happening" yet but this is definitely a fanboy movie). Oh, and the Spider-Man movies weren't my bag either. Oh well.

Let the arguments commence!!!

10. "Superman" - The original from 1978. Pure and innocent. Gene Hackman rules and I STILL laugh at the line when Superman appears on the sidewalk after changing..."That's a NICE OUT FIT!!!"

9. "Darkman" - Not the most common choice but Liam Neeson is amazing. Plus, "TAKE THE F***ING ELEPHANT!!!"

8. "Batman" - From 1989. I still think the gadgets were brilliant and I think Nicholson's Joker helped set the bar for Ledger. I was really excited back in the day when this came out.

7. "Hellboy" - I LOVE this comic book and the movie had perfect casting, perfect coloring, and perfect mood. The ending was slightly anticlimactic and over too quick but Ron Perlman is badass.

6. "The Incredibles" - VERY underrated movie. They took the archetypal powers and made them new and exciting. Being animated, I also thought of mentioning "Ultimate Avengers" and the "Mask of the Phantasm"/"Sub-Zero" Batman animated movies. But this is the best of the bunch.

5. "Rocketeer" - Maybe not a SUPERhero but one of the best movies in terms of adventure and feel of the time period. And yes, I was guilty of having a crush on Jennifer Connelly before her anorexia kicked in.

4. "X-Men 2" - Alan Cumming as Nightcrawler. And the opening sequence was just incredible.

3. "Iron Man" - Super-fun. Perfect casting of Robert Downey, Jr. Today the special effects and tech look so good and seamless that it's hard not to enjoy.

2. "Superman 2" - Who doesn't love a superhero fight? Surprised myself by nominating two of this early franchise. The new movie was good but the new Luthor didn't do it for me like the old Luthor..."Australia"

1. "The Dark Knight" - without a doubt the best movie to date. Just go see it.

The 2008 Biscuit World All-Star Cereal Character Baseball Team!

2008-07-11T14:19:00.005-04:00

Sitting with some friends eating some General Gau, we started talking about Coco Crisp of the Red Sox. That got me riffing on Cereal Characters and what position they would play. Well, you are welcome.

Other team members include:
Sonny from Cocoa Puffs - Closing Pitcher
Sugar Smacks Frog - Middle Relief
Fred Flinstone - Designated Hitter
Honey Nut Bee - Pinch Runner
Boo Berry - First Base Coach
Franken Berry - Third Base Coach
Count Chocula - Bat Boy
Sugar Bear - Manager
Coco Crisp - General Manager

Kirkmaniac 2: Electric Boogaloo!!!

2008-07-04T20:50:00.005-04:00

It just got ridiculous. My second letter printed in The Walking Dead this week.

Now, I'm not saying anything for sure, but if Robert Kirkman moved up here to Massachusetts then we might just get married. Fo realz.

But the good thing is that in two months time, by moving to Nashville, I will be moving closer to him. Just have to fight those pesky state constitutions in KY and TN and then we can basically move in together.

Of course, I'm kidding. But it is pretty rad to be printed twice in my favorite comic to date. And 50 was the perfect one to get printed in. The issue all about a boy and his father. On a side note, if I've mentioned this already forgive me, but if you like post-apocalyptic, character-driven stories, then do us all a favor and pick up Cormac McCarthy's The Road. Yeah. The No Country for Old Men dude. It's a quick read and really shows some interesting ways one would survive after a doomsday.

So, go out and pick up some Walking Dead or Kirkman or McCarthy. Happy 4th. Don't blow any fingers off...

June 2008 Poll - Nostalgia Neck and Neck

2008-07-01T15:38:00.004-04:00

The nostalgia battle took over this poll almost from the get-go. Thirty days later and 8 votes apiece and we end up with ANOTHER Biscuit World Poll Tie.

Can't say I blame you though. I think you either grew up in an Atari house or a Nintendo house. I don't know if I ever heard of someone owning BOTH! I mean, this isn't "Silver Spoons" or anything.

NES dominated in graphics, right? I mean, it was an 8-bit system and Mario is tough to deny. But, as BW knows, there was nothing like a two-hour session of Asteroids to take the edge off after school. Plus, you had the classics: Space Invaders, Missile Command, Defender, and Combat (board 7 for me please! Full-on maze with tanks AND ricochet!). And of course, Pitfall 1 and 2, Keystone Kapers, and the other Activision games! But you also had E.T. and Street Racer and the Atari version of Pac-Man. Hmmm... I do have to admit though getting a healthy dose of Nintendo at my boy Antoine's house in high school. Batman, Othello, Tetris for hours and hours.

Congratulations, 1977 and your baby, the Atari 2600. And Congratulations 1985 and the NES.
Both worthy adversaries in the Console Wars but we're ALL winners in this battle...

The DEWmocratic Process

2008-06-24T21:49:00.007-04:00

I have wrestled with this for about 2 weeks now. But I think I have made my final decision.

As previously mentioned, Mountain Dew is having a contest to determine a new flavor. The contestants are VOLTAGE, SUPERNOVA, and REVOLUTION.

The rundown:
VOLTAGE: Raspberry Citrus with Ginseng. You taste the Raspberry up front and then a slight aftertaste of ginseng.
SUPERNOVA: Strawberry Melon with Ginseng. Not overpowering but still strawberry melon. Turns out to be much, much better than the Melon Mello Yello from years ago.
REVOLUTION: Wild Berry with Ginseng. Not bad. Just not that good?

I thought at first that Voltage was my thang. Then I had the shot by shot comparison as seen in the photo. After that, I thought Revolution was it.

But my final decision is VOLTAGE. And in true BW fashion I give it an Orion Rating.

I give it only 3 Orions because it's just not going to knock off the original anytime soon but it has enough kick to be a Mountain Dew flavor and the Raspberry Citrus was a better option than reaching for a Strawmelon soda when it's hot.

Don't forget to vote at dewmocracy.com

May the Zombies Eat You First #3

2008-06-04T22:14:00.005-04:00

Part of the reason I love both the original and remake of "Dawn of the Dead" is the location for each movie - the mall. How many hours have I spent running around a mall? How many days of my high school life were spent at a mall? I'm not much of a shopper (never had much money) but for some reason I always felt drawn there. And the movie comments on this very well.

But there are more things than zombies to worry about in a mall. A few survival tips are in order:
1) Never EVER look the Cell Phone Kiosk Dudes in the eye. Deadly.
2) Just because Best Buy is in the mall doesn't mean you should go there.
3) When they say no strollers on the escalator they mean it for a reason...sheesh. And I was the one pushing the stroller!!!
4) Stop frequenting the Hat Store (do they still call them "haberdasheries" still?) or Lids or whatever. Buy one cap and wear it out. You don't need 20 hats for your wardrobe.
5) And lastly, the Apple Store breaks the record for most employees not doing a gottdamm thing but still looking like they are busy while wearing the neon T-shirts that are from an ad campaign that started like 12 years ago. SERIOUSLY! I counted TWENTY-ONE employees (wearing either orange, blue, or black) and when Dr. BW wanted to check out, how many were manning the check-out? One and a half. Unbelievable.

So. For the Cell Phone Kiosk Dudes, the entire Best Buy company, the Hat Store Dudes, and ESPECIALLY the Apple Dudes and Dudettes...

May the ZOMBIES eat you first...

And a special honorable mention - the entire Porter Square CVS staff for having world record setting crappy service and the longest check-out times in any store ever frequented by anyone at any point in the history of man, alien, capitalism, free market trade, haggling, or simply borrowing a cup of rocks from the next door cave neighbors.

May 2008 Poll - I ain't lyin! It's Orion!

2008-06-01T09:35:00.005-04:00

In a tightly contested matchup, Orion pulls away from the Pleiades within the last week to win this month's Biscuit World Poll. All the stargazers in the BW Community came out to vote and the votes were widely spread, even Canis Major getting a vote! The Pleiades and Orion were deadlocked for quite some time but The Hunter pulled this one out.

BW's fave was Cassiopeia but, then again, BW does have a little vested interest in the name Orion at least...

Congratulations to our star-studded contestants and especially our victor. May your belt always, ALWAYS, hold up your celestial pants!!!

Coming Soon! DEWmocracy!!!

2008-05-31T17:02:00.004-04:00

In June of this year, our country will be of the beverage, by the beverage, and for the beverage!!!
Mountain Dew releases THREE new flavors to be voted upon by the beverage-drinking public. Although VOLTAGE is already out and BW has tried that one, we will wait to do a full product review until all products have been released. [NOTE: The other two were supposedly released the same day (May 19) but BW has yet to find them! Attn: Pepsi! Send FREE LIFETIME SAMPLES!]

The three new Mountain Dew flavors (all with ginseng) are:
VOLTAGE - Raspberry Citrus
SUPERNOVA - Strawberry Melon
and REVOLUTION - Wild Berry

All flavors were designed virtually online by Dew Drinkers and now the top three battle it out for posterity.

BW is a Mountain Dew fan. To say the least. Apart from the Canadian-only releases, Slurpee-only flavors, and those brands only test-marketed in other cities, BW has a pretty good grasp on what's what in the World of Mountain Dew. You want a list? Alrighty then...

BW's Top Mountain Dew Flavors (colors in parentheses):
1) The Original (yellow-green) - Can't mess with the original recipe...
2) Code Red (red) - Infused with Cherry!
3) Baja Blast (teal) - Lime-flavored and currently only available in the CambridgeSide Taco Bell
4) Game Fuel (red-orange) - Limited Edition Halo 3 drink for Gamers...oh, how we miss thee!
5) Voltage (periwinkle?) - Newest Contender in the Dewmocracy War!
6) LiveWire (orange) - Originally a summer 2003 release intended for SUMMER ONLY (it's still here)
7) Pitch Black II (deep purple, heh) - Sour grape sequel to original Halloween-release of Pitch Black I

Stay tuned for more reviews! And don't forget the new poll tomorrow!!!

New Product Review! Throw Me the Cereal!!!

2008-05-10T15:36:00.005-04:00

Just in time for the May 22nd Premiere! Kellogg's presents LIMITED EDITION Indiana Jones Cereal!

So, I'm a cereal connoisseur. The routine was come home from school, get a bowl of cereal, watch YCDTOTV ("You Can't Do That On Television"). I have no idea how many bowls I have eaten in my lifetime but it has to number in the millions.

Now, this one takes me back to Saturday morning serials. Pun intended. The marketing tie-in of course got me but it's a quality product. Chocolate puffs with Marshmallows. Pretty standard fare but the marshmallows are on par with those of Lucky Charms and the chocolate flavor is great.

Initially, I thought the puffs might be too "puffy", if that makes sense. Definitely not like Cocoa Puffs here. Those can get pretty crunchy. The Indy puffs are closer to a 2 or 3 on the 1=puffy, 10=crunchy scale. However, I was pleasantly surprised after the MIM test (Minutes In Milk). Only the part of the puff submerged got soggy so it left a hemisphere still intact. Some cereal puffs lose all their shell if even a portion touches the milk. A tragedy of milk osmosis saturation.

One tiny complaint here though. The marshmallows. I mean, take a look at the photographic evidence. That's supposed to be a skull, a torch, Indy's hat, and the Temple of Akator. Seriously? We can put a man on the moon but we can't get marshmallow technology down? I'm waiting for the day of full-on, 3-D, anatomically correct Marshmallow Men. Kind of gross maybe but I say we do it BECAUSE WE CAN. We may never reach that plateau. Until then, we'll have to stick with what we got.

Indiana Jones Cereal. Gets 4 Orions out of 5. It boosts the anticipation of the movie and was good to eat up to 3 bowls in a row!

April 2008 Poll - X Marks the Spot!!!

2008-05-01T10:31:00.003-04:00

Mutants Triumphant! The X-Men top the list of our April poll beating out the classic super-team, the Justice League.

BW voted for the winner this time around. Did the movie franchise put this over the top? Probably so. But it also could be the all-inclusive nature of the team itself. A team that welcomes all shapes and sizes (especially Famke Janssen!) even all colors (blue preferred). After all, aren't we all just a little bit mutant?

Congrats, X-Team on your win. Keep saving the world and pushing for equal rights for homo superior!

Oh, and a word of condolence to the poor chap who voted for the Watchmen. Mental note: that's not going to end so well...

BW NOTE: Favorite X-Man of all time is Rogue.

NEW! Product Review!

2008-04-29T17:22:00.007-04:00

Today was Bacon Club Chalupa Day.
Well, actually it was KFC Tuesday Special Day. Leg, Thigh, Mashed Potatoes, and Biscuit for $1.99!!!
I find myself heading down the street every Tuesday. Nah' mean?

But, back to the chalupa. "The product features tender, juicy marinated all-white meat chicken and crispy, real smoked bacon surrounded in a crispy, flaky Chalupa shell. The Club Chalupa is topped off with a creamy sauce, crisp lettuce, a three-cheese blend and ripe tomatoes." Well, at least that's what the "Bacon Unwrapped" blog said about it.

So, since I'm such a sucker for new product marketing (especially beverage and candy varieties - Mountain Dew and Reese's Cups!), I will occasionally be reviewing new items when I try them.

The ranking will be from 1 to 5 Orions (5 being the best):

Officially, Biscuit World gives the Taco Bell Bacon Club Chalupa...(drum roll)...

4 Orions! The crispy shell worked for the most part but was maybe a little dry. Would a Bacon Club Gordita be the perfect sandwich? We may never know...

May the Zombies Eat You First #2

2008-04-27T20:56:00.003-04:00

Parents of a one-year-old out on a date after several months.
Movie Theater on a Sunday afternoon.
(First off, may the zombies eat the theater managers first for charging full price for a 4:25 pm show)

Sparsely filled auditorium at 4:10.
Slowly filling up from 4:15 on.
The obligatory doofus-head and girlfriend come in during the previews and sit directly in front of you.
They notice you are gigantic and take up most of the aisle with your gigantic knees spread apart.
They decide to sit directly in front of you anyway.
And, of course, the obligatory doofus-head sits in that chair and does a "Greg Louganis" (see MTZEYF #1) into your crotchal area.
And, of course, during the last preview, a woman and her friends crowd into your aisle and take away your buffer chair.

Fun stuff.
At least the movie (21) was good. Boston hasn't looked that good on film since The Departed.

May the ZOMBIES eat you first...

Comic Recommendates #2

2008-04-07T21:52:00.009-04:00

Looking back over my old posts I realized that the first "Comic Recommendates" was from November of last year. And here's #2. Not bad for something I had initially planned on doing weekly? Sheesh. The theme of this post (apparently) will be IMAGE COMICS!!! All three of my comics are from the #3 publisher behind Marvel and DC (can we assume that? I guess). And shout-outs to Image Comics for putting most of their comics' first issues on their website. Click on the highlights and it will take you the main page. Then just click on the issue picture and begin reading!!! Commencing...

UNO - Gotta start off with my favorite book, The Walking Dead.
You've seen TWD before on the BW, notably from my letter being printed in it. It is written by fellow Kentuckian, Robert Kirkman, and is drawn superbly by Charlie Adlard who picked up the duties (heh, "doodies") from Tony Moore after Issue 6.

A great post-apocalyptic zombie story with great character development and a fresh take on how we would make it in a zombie-world. The most recent Issue 48 slew me. It was so good! You get so involved with these characters you empathize with them beyond belief. And when something happens to them, well...

Trades are out there. You'll notice the art change in Trade 2. Initially I was wary but Adlard is destroying the book of late. I love Tony Moore but now I love Charlie. Love's a crazy thing. (BW NOTE: Trade paperbacks are collections of several issues in one book. Largely taking from 4 to 6 issues, or however long the story arc might be. And now you've learned something today, non-comic-book-dudes!)

DOS - I have to mention Fell and Dead Space.
I mention these books because of Mr. Ben Templesmith. He does art on both books and his style is contagious. Awesome stuff. I don't even know how he creates his stuff - computer? paints? - but it looks brilliant. Fell is largely a detective story and Dead Space is basically a space zombie book. Awesome.

Templesmith is also the artist on the 30 Days of Night vampire book written by horror-scribe Steve Niles, and now a movie (out on DVD already). I heard great things about the book and okay things about the movie.

Regardless, check out his artwork if you get a chance. Fell is relatively young and is priced to sell at $1.99!!!

TRES - The Nightly News by Jonathan Hickman
This dude's got some skills. He created this book largely in a graphic designy (is that an adjective?) way and it looks brilliant. I initially thought that it would become too "Here is what I learned in my Adobe Illustrator class today" but the story is engaging and honestly the art never gets too ham handed.

The book has been described as a mix between Fight Club and Network. That's a pretty good description. It definitely satisfied the insurgent/revolutionary in me.

Hickman's latest project is Pax Romana (which I will definitely pick up in trade). From what I hear it's like Roman Empire with machine guns. Hickman's got a pretty bright future ahead of him.

Doomed to repeat it...

2008-04-05T22:39:00.004-04:00

I wanted to share this audio. I had a moment earlier today listening to this. I guess I should have posted this on April 4, on the anniversary of MLK's death, but better late than never.

This speech speaks to all war. It made me cry when I listened to this. We haven't learned a damn thing.