New Dew. New Dew? NEW DEW!

The latest release of Mountain Dew pits good versus evil. New Game Fuels represent the factions from the crazy living-in-my-parents'-basement-so-I-got-nothing-better-to-do-than-play-this-here-MMORPG World of Warcraft.

It's Alliance Blue against Horde Red. Wild Fruit taking on Citrus Cherry. Elves all up in the Orcs' biznass. Who will win? Well, neither.

I had to take a step back cuz I drink Mello Yello or Mountain Dew like water. I think my taste buds were corroded the first time I tried these. I actually liked them, but once my friend Ol' Dirty Sanchez emailed me I realized I might be too much of a Dew insider to vote judiciously.

He wrote, after trying the blue: "the worst part really was the smell. I had to hold my breath while the bottle was on its way to my mouth, but then it tasted just mediocre compared to the noxiousness of the fumes. I only drank down to the top of the label before I was too grossed out and just dumped the rest." Wow. So I waited a while and went back to the bottle.

ODS was right. Not an epic fail but certainly not the wonderment of O.G. Dew or even the Halo 3 Game Fuel which is still a highlight of my beverage consumption days. We miss you, Halo 3!!!

I did however have a favorite though. Horde Red. Not as good as Code Red but along those lines. The Alliance Blue does actually taste kind of how it looks. Like Wiper Fluid. Well, maybe not that bad but still not good enough to knock off any of my favorite Dew flavors. Each gets two Orions out of five. Well, more like a 1.5 for Blue and 2.4 for Red. Keep in mind, that is probably higher than it should be, but consider that my bloodstream is half plasma, half Dew. Oh, and you are welcome.