OMG #4

Earlier this morning at 4:30 the boy crawled into bed with us...
I turned over.
I felt a little itch near my elbow.
I grabbed at it with my right hand.
My thumb, index finger, and middle finger of my right hand.
I squeezed.
I squeezed a f*cking spider in my hand.
A giant we-apparently-have-millions-of-giant-spiders-in-Tennessee spider.
They are everywhere downstairs.
I spend most of my time upstairs.

Those of you who know me know this was devastating.
Dev. Uh. Stating.

New Dew. New Dew? NEW DEW!

The latest release of Mountain Dew pits good versus evil. New Game Fuels represent the factions from the crazy living-in-my-parents'-basement-so-I-got-nothing-better-to-do-than-play-this-here-MMORPG World of Warcraft.

It's Alliance Blue against Horde Red. Wild Fruit taking on Citrus Cherry. Elves all up in the Orcs' biznass. Who will win? Well, neither.

I had to take a step back cuz I drink Mello Yello or Mountain Dew like water. I think my taste buds were corroded the first time I tried these. I actually liked them, but once my friend Ol' Dirty Sanchez emailed me I realized I might be too much of a Dew insider to vote judiciously.

He wrote, after trying the blue: "the worst part really was the smell. I had to hold my breath while the bottle was on its way to my mouth, but then it tasted just mediocre compared to the noxiousness of the fumes. I only drank down to the top of the label before I was too grossed out and just dumped the rest." Wow. So I waited a while and went back to the bottle.

ODS was right. Not an epic fail but certainly not the wonderment of O.G. Dew or even the Halo 3 Game Fuel which is still a highlight of my beverage consumption days. We miss you, Halo 3!!!

I did however have a favorite though. Horde Red. Not as good as Code Red but along those lines. The Alliance Blue does actually taste kind of how it looks. Like Wiper Fluid. Well, maybe not that bad but still not good enough to knock off any of my favorite Dew flavors. Each gets two Orions out of five. Well, more like a 1.5 for Blue and 2.4 for Red. Keep in mind, that is probably higher than it should be, but consider that my bloodstream is half plasma, half Dew. Oh, and you are welcome.

July 2009 Poll - Das Und Rolls der Switzerland?

Chocolate cake rolled around a layer of creme filling and drenched with fudge coating. Available twin-wrapped in a 12 count carton. Yumz.

The winner of this month's poll is the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls? What happened to the word "Cake"? Well. We might not buy Debbie's attempt to make these sound "healthy" by removing a word, but we will buy a box of twelve and eat them in one gaming session of Halo 3 with an ice-cold Mello Yello and a side of plasma grenade. Congratulations to the country of Switzerland and their rolls. BW voted for Nutty Bars but I guess we can't win 'em all...

Heh #7

Take your car
Yes we will
We'll take your car and drive it
We'll take it to a motel room and take 'em off in private...

Thank you, J. Geils.
Thank you.

OMG #3

Quietly. Almost Overnight. Americana has changed and nobody gives a damn. I guess we need more MJ coverage. Heck, I didn't even see all that much reference to the 40th anniversary of the freakin moon landing.

BUT THIS! This is HUGE! Coca-Cola has changed the shape of the Two-Liter Bottle!!!

Coke is changing the shape in order to give the two-liter the contour shape of its 20 oz. bottles. Which, by the way, the contour bottle is trademarked...

They started the transition down here in Birmingham and Chattanooga and now our Kroger has ALL Coke products in the new digs. I hear that they may not be up north yet but they...are...coming...

Gotta say, the pourability is pretty tight. And it seems that the packaging is smaller. I doubt that the environment was a major concern for the new bottle but I guess we gotta take baby steps with that. At least until the Earth melts. But, now that I mention it, can we trust them that it is still TWO liters in there?

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for beverages.

June 2009 Poll - Senor Sanders!

The battle for Yum! supremacy ends with KFC Bell. Or Taco Chicken. Or whatever you want to call it. BW voted for this one. We miss the old local neighborhood KFC Bell. Especially the Tuesday $1.99 Special! *sob*

Congratulations, Senor Sanders.