May the Zombies Eat You First #3

Part of the reason I love both the original and remake of "Dawn of the Dead" is the location for each movie - the mall. How many hours have I spent running around a mall? How many days of my high school life were spent at a mall? I'm not much of a shopper (never had much money) but for some reason I always felt drawn there. And the movie comments on this very well.

But there are more things than zombies to worry about in a mall. A few survival tips are in order:
1) Never EVER look the Cell Phone Kiosk Dudes in the eye. Deadly.
2) Just because Best Buy is in the mall doesn't mean you should go there.
3) When they say no strollers on the escalator they mean it for a reason...sheesh. And I was the one pushing the stroller!!!
4) Stop frequenting the Hat Store (do they still call them "haberdasheries" still?) or Lids or whatever. Buy one cap and wear it out. You don't need 20 hats for your wardrobe.
5) And lastly, the Apple Store breaks the record for most employees not doing a gottdamm thing but still looking like they are busy while wearing the neon T-shirts that are from an ad campaign that started like 12 years ago. SERIOUSLY! I counted TWENTY-ONE employees (wearing either orange, blue, or black) and when Dr. BW wanted to check out, how many were manning the check-out? One and a half. Unbelievable.

So. For the Cell Phone Kiosk Dudes, the entire Best Buy company, the Hat Store Dudes, and ESPECIALLY the Apple Dudes and Dudettes...

May the ZOMBIES eat you first...

And a special honorable mention - the entire Porter Square CVS staff for having world record setting crappy service and the longest check-out times in any store ever frequented by anyone at any point in the history of man, alien, capitalism, free market trade, haggling, or simply borrowing a cup of rocks from the next door cave neighbors.